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How to agree with someone without compromising


In professional as well as personal relationships you often need to compromise but a continuous litany of compromises can leave long-lasting bitterness and scars. It is not a good development if you begin to agree with the other person just for the sake of avoiding arguments and acrimony. You need to draw a line somewhere and learn to agree without compromising.

Before deciding to compromise or not to compromise you need to weigh what all is at stake. What do you stand to lose if you compromise without actually meaning it. It may ruin your relationship for ever. The other person may lose your respect for ever.

On the other hand if you decide to disagree on multiple situations this may spoil your relationship for a long time. So you have to strike a balance. You have to be innovative about agreeing without compromising.

Compromise can be of different levels and it can be a big compromise or a small compromise depending on the situation. Moving to another city because your spouse wants to move and you don’t want to move can be a big compromise if you decide to move. In an organization if somebody else takes the credit of your hard work and you keep quiet its a big compromise. Who takes out time to get the kid from school is comparatively a smaller compromise (it is a big compromise if you are missing a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to do that). Anyway, whether you’re making big compromises or small compromises disagreeing all the time may cause lots of problems and eventually you need to learn to agree without compromising much. Here is how you can do that:

  • Define your principles and openly declare them: Never be ambivalent about what you think is right and wrong. Define your boundaries and clearly communicate them to the other person. If you always keep your beliefs and opinions in the open there is less chance for conflict because the other person already knows what to expect from you. This way even if you are agreeing, the other person knows who is actually in the right position.
  • Stay away from secret liaisons: This is important while working in an office. Keep as many things in the open as possible so that you never get in the position of your word against the other person’s word. If something goes wrong and you need to agree everybody will know what is the real problem.
  • Take turns to agree: This won’t be possible at your workplace but you can try this out at home. If as a couple you’re going through lots of disagreements try to take turns to agree.
  • Try to find a middle path: When you agree to commit or do something you don’t have to give in all the way. A healthy relationship is always about give-and-take. For instance if you’re moving to another city because of your spouse’s career and this may affect your career sit with your spouse and work out a solution that will allow you some scope to build a new career in the new city.
  • Be known as a righteous person: Righteous people very rarely get in a position where people can question them or oppose them through a holier than thou approach. Leave a righteous life and you will encounter very few instances a life where you have to compromise.

In the end, relationships are about accepting each others’ differences. You don’t always have to avoid compromising but somewhere you have to draw a line.