What is emotional insecurity? It is a condition of vulnerability or inferiority stemming from imaginary as well as realistic fears. Having small traces of emotional insecurity is no big deal because we all have it. The problem is compounded when it begins to manifest in every aspect of your life and soon comes a time when it begins to affect your interpersonal relationships as well as your professional life. You are unable to live in a healthy relationship. You’re unable to approach people. You become too clingy, even to the extent of suffocating people near to you. Most of the emotional insecurity originates from previous experiences, mostly bad, traumatic experiences. These experiences leave a permanent mark and this mark casts a shadow in every aspect of your life.
You may also have emotional insecurity related to your appearance. Maybe you’re short. Maybe you are on a heavier side or even obese. Or you may have a disability. Maybe these physical traits stop you from being yourself and you like to be on your own rather than be in a group of friends, relatives or colleagues.
How to deal with, or overcome emotional security?
- Accept the existence of emotional security. Don’t live in denial. You can only solve a problem if you acknowledge it and accept its existence.
- Accept that not every insecurity is bad.
- Accept yourself. Whether you like it or not, you cannot change yourself. You are the way you are. Yes, with habit and with gradual lifestyle changes you can change yourself, but you cannot go beyond a certain level. For instance, if you have a crooked nose you can either go for plastic surgery and if you don’t want to do that, you have to learn to live with that. The same goes with your disability. If you have one, accept the fact and also accept the fact that you’re going to look the certain way to the others.
- People are not always evaluating you. First of all for them you are not the most important thing in the world, they may be having thousands of other problems vying for their attention continuously. Second, they might not be in a habit of evaluating people at the first look. Maybe they are not at all interested in physical evaluation, maybe they are seeking someone with intellectual capacities.
- Overcome your fears. The best way to deal with fears is to overcome them. Repeatedly do the thing that scares you. It doesn’t mean going to the swamps and challenging the neighborhood crocodile. But if the cockroach scares you, get hold of a baby cockroach and keep it in a jar as a pet. Let it crawl onto your hand everyday as it gradually grows. By the time it is fully grown, you will no longer be scared of it. No, I don’t mean to suggest that you start keeping cockroaches as pets, it was just an example. The main point is, start doing the things that scare you and in the beginning, maybe you can make small starts.
- Reconcile with the past. If your past troubles you, reconcile with it. It cannot be undone. You cannot decide what your past is going to be, but you can certainly decide what impact your past is going to have on the present and on the future. Again, if some past trauma stops you from doing certain things, start with small steps and as you are taking those steps, let the old feelings come. Accept those feelings. Recognize their existence. Let them walk by your side.
These steps can help you overcome your emotional insecurities.
Introversion is normally thought of as a negative behavioral attribute. It is a general perception that introvert people find it very hard to strike up conversations, express themselves, and move ahead in life. But just as any disadvantage can be used to your advantage, you can also use your introversion as a strength, according to this Lifehacker blog post.
What is introversion
You first of all need to understand what introversion is and how it is different from lack of confidence. Introvert people are more inward focused rather than outward focused. They like to keep it to themselves. In order to feel good or important they don’t need to express themselves or interact with other individuals. If you are an introvert person
- You are very sensitive about your space
- You are very thoughtful
- You are interested in self knowledge and self understanding
- You are not very emotionally expressive, outwardly
- You are more comfortable around people you know well
- You are very observant
- You are very sensitive about the other’s needs
Contrary to popular misconceptions, introverts are not antisocial. They just don’t like to talk unless they have something really substantial to say.
How to use introversion as an advantage
- Accept introversion as a normal personality trait: You are not weird if you are an introvert. Just like there are people who like to talk and would like to socialize, there are people who don’t like to talk and don’t want to socialize unless it is important to them. Again, don’t mix up being introvert with lacking in confidence. These two are different things. When you lack confidence, you need to handle your situation from a different angle.
- Think in terms of giving rather than taking: We are always uncomfortable if you need to approach somebody for the sake of taking. On the other hand, when we gave, we feel more sure of ourselves. As a professional, as well as as an introvert person, whenever you’re preparing your pitch, have the confidence of over-delivering. Make it into a win-win situation. This way it becomes easier to convince people. Also, you know that if that person doesn’t show much interest, he or she is the one to lose.
- Develop a growth oriented mindset: Due to your introvert nature unless something really stimulates you, you don’t seem very enthusiastic and driven, especially when it involves interacting with other people. Instead of worrying about your “inability” to approach people and talk straightaway, focus on the growth path that you want to follow.
The key here is to consider your introvert attitude just as a behavioral attribute rather than a deficiency. Just treat it as you would treat any other characteristic of your behavior.
We all know that hatred is bad and it is the most self-defeating emotion. Still, many of us don’t seem to be able to control it. This blog post is not for people who think that hatred is justified. It is for those who think that they shouldn’t hate people or circumstances, but somehow, are not in control of their feelings. They want to know how to remove the hatred from their hearts. If you’re one of those, then please read on.
Mistakenly, many people equate such topics as preaching, whereas it is not. Hatred is a highly negative emotion and just like any other negative emotion it generates lots of toxins inside your body (it is known to be carcinogenic) and hence, it makes a negative impact on your health. It also affects your judgement and your behavior and eventually it begins to bear its mark on every aspect of your life in case it goes out of control. Monumental historical tragedies have been instigated due to uncontrollable hatred.
Not hating people does not mean that you condone their acts (people would find very hard not to hate people like Hitler or Osama bin Ladin). It means not letting negative emotions take control of your life. Not hating people also does not mean not disliking them or not punishing rapists and terrorists. Here we are talking about hatred in your day-to-day life that is ruining all other blessings. For instance, hating your ex for breaking up with you, hating one of your siblings for getting more love and affection from the family or for merely being more successful than you, and so on.
Here are a few things you can do to remove hatred from your heart.
- Develop self-confidence: Most of the feelings of hatred originate from a sense of low self esteem. It is the feeling of blame. You blame the person for everything that’s happening in your life. When you have self-confidence you know that you are in control of everything. A person can harm you only up to a particular point, and after that it’s up to you how you take control of your life. Believe in yourself. Know that it’s you who make or break yourself. Your destiny is totally in your control. Understand that it’s not in your control what people do to you, but it is totally in your control how you react.
- Try to empathise with the object of your hatred: I know, it’s easier said than done, but not everybody harms you due to total viciousness. Try to understand the circumstances under which the person hurt you. Was he or she even aware of what he or she was doing to you? If that person broke up with you, was he or she solely responsible for the breakup? If you think you’ve lost your job because of someone, was he or she really responsible for was it just a coincidence? The list can go on and on.
- Develop a loving attitude: As the old saying goes, love always triumphs hatred. Do you know that loving the person who has hurt you is the greatest revenge? It doesn’t have to be a project. Just develop a loving attitude towards everybody.
- Appreciate what you have: Rather than always feeling bad about what you don’t have, begin to appreciate things and people that you have in your life. Life in itself can be a blessing if you can learn to appreciate it. No matter how miserable you feel, there are always far greater miseries in the world. If you live in a developed country, you can’t even begin to imagine what people have to go through just to get a few morsels of food or a few drops of water.
- Give some time to your other interests and hobbies: Do you love gardening? Have you been postponing joining a gym or jogging? Have you always wanted to get up early and get a head start? Do you want to attend a gaming convention? There are so many other things you can focus on rather than hating someone. By hating a person and altering your lifestyle according to this feeling alone you are giving too much importance to that person. If he or she has harmed you, you are prolonging that harm by hating that person.
The last point is very important and you can really use it to remove hatred from your heart. Start focusing on other activities and other people. Strike up new friendships. Pursue existing interests or take up new ones. Start spending more time with your family and your loved ones. The basic idea is becoming conscious of the feeling of hatred and then accepting that you want to get rid of it.
We think that bullying stops at school. Do a reality check. Your school bully has grown up and entered workforce too. Just like you, your school bully too needs a livelihood but he has not left his bullying traits at school. If you encounter bullying at office don’t think that it’s something unusual.
The first step of solving any problem is the acceptance that you have a real problem at hand. You should be able to differentiate between strong management techniques and bullying. You might think that your office bully is not a bully but following authoritarian management style. But get your antennae attuned. Every kind of management style is interested in getting the work accomplished and goal achieved. But a bully at office will be more interested in humiliating you, scoring over you, ruining your reputation than caring about organizational goals and targets.
Once you have spotted the problem of getting bullied at office, set out to assuage the situation.
- Improve your Body Language: Pay attention to the way you walk, sit, talk to others and conduct yourself at meetings. Look straight into your office bully’s eyes. Stand straight without being threatening or stiff. A bully is basically a coward and suffering from low self esteem. Bullying you at office is a camouflaging technique for a person lacking in self confidence. With your non-verbal gestures you can send a signal that you are being unaffected by the bully.
- Make the Office Bully Aware that You are Aware: Let the bully know that you know and you are not going to put up with bullying in office. Show him overtly and covertly that this is simply not on and you will not take things lying down. Basically bullies are insecure persons and they use harassment to mask their own incompetency. If the office bully is your superior then he can damage your reputation and hold your promotion. So think before you adopt a confrontational approach. Try to gain the confidence of your colleagues and seniors before confronting the bully head on.
- Keep a Record: Keep a record of the ill behavior of your office bully. Keep all the inappropriate mails, faxes, e-mails and smses. If your office bully has harassed you in front of your office-mates, talk to them and try to know what they are thinking. If you are planning to complain to your HR department, will your office colleagues be willing to stay behind you firmly? Keep a record of office bully’s misconduct. Don’t forget to record the time, date, witnesses, what was said to you and how you felt.
- Avoid Staying Alone with the Bully: Don’t go and talk to the bully in private. Take a colleague along with you if you have to talk to the bully. If you can’t take anyone along with you, don’t resort to verbal talks to the office bully but relay on written communication. If it is absolutely necessary to talk to him, wear your self confidence and show him that he can’t unruffle you easily.
- Talk to your Office Colleagues: Talk to your office colleague and discuss the matter with them. Ask whether they too are suffering at the hands of the office bully? How does the office bully behave with others? Try to ask others how they deal with the bullying at office? It will give you a perspective and you can seek help of others to deal with the office bully.
- Approach Concerned Department or Authority: Take help from the concerned person or department from your office to tackle bullying at workplace. Talk to your HR department and check what is your company policy regarding work environment and what options are available to you.
- Resign: Take it as your last option and resort to this step only when you have another job at hand. Don’t consider it as defeat but a step taken for better future. Make your employer know why you are resigning. It might help other employees. Make sure you get legal advice before you design and weighed all the options. This way if you have to make a claim or talk to a tribunal you will be able to prove that you resigned after following due procedure. If you complain to your HR department and still no positive steps were taken you have a legal advantage and you may also be compensated.
Bullying, whether it happens at workplace, at school or even at home is basically a mind game. A mentally weak person is perpetually trying to establish his or her physical authority and this can really work to your advantage if somehow you can show that you are not threatened by his or her tactics.