Understandably it is very hard to forgive someone if you have been badly hurt but for your own sake, you need to learn to forgive and move on. Not forgiving and carrying a grudge for a long time is self-defeating and if you carry out the act of revenge (although, this event is cathartic sometimes but it shouldn’t be taken to extremes) it not only harms the other person, it also permanently scars your own soul. Forgiving someone does help and this is how you can move towards the path of forgiveness.
Forgiveness sometimes has to be a conscious effort
In order to forgive someone sometimes you have to make an effort. It is not a wound that is going to heal itself, you have to put the balm of forgiveness on your own, repeatedly. Don’t just forgive because somewhere you have read (for instance here) that forgiveness is good. Obviously it is good, but you have to understand it logically. You have to understand its psychological and medical ramifications. Only then you will be able to make a conscious effort towards forgiving someone.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean weakness
Many people think that forgiving means weakness and you’re not strong if you cannot extract a revenge. Like craving for sex when you’re aroused or craving for food when you are hungry, it can be extremely difficult to forgive and move on when you’re craving for revenge, but taking revenge in the same coin would be bringing yourself to the same level as the person who has wronged you.
Understand that not all wrong-doings our intentional
Sometimes things just happen and people who seem to have done a wrong to us didn’t actually mean it. Then there is no sense in taking revenge from them. Damage that has happened cannot be undone by making that person go through the same situation.
Living a happy, content life is the best revenge
Even if a person has wronged you in order to cause you misery, the best revenge would be to stay calm and unaffected. Why should you give him or her the satisfaction of disturbing your balance of mind and bringing you to the same level of his or hers? This is exactly what he or she wants.8u People harm you because you have something they don’t have. They are already miserable, they are already suffering and they need to feel important. If you remain angry with them, if you become obsessed with extracting revenge, you are bringing them satisfaction. Instead, forgive, move on and live a healthier life. There is so much to be done.
Of course, sometimes forgiveness is not possible and we also have to draw a line between forgiveness and justice. You cannot forgive a murderer or a rapist or a kidnapper simply because you want to move on. Such criminals need to be behind bars for the protections of not only you, but also the others. So when we talk of forgiving, we don’t talk of forgiving criminals. We talk of forgiving people who intentionally or unintentionally hurt us but they are not criminals. You should forgive such people and move on.