What is emotional insecurity? It is a condition of vulnerability or inferiority stemming from imaginary as well as realistic fears. Having small traces of emotional insecurity is no big deal because we all have it. The problem is compounded when it begins to manifest in every aspect of your life and soon comes a time when it begins to affect your interpersonal relationships as well as your professional life. You are unable to live in a healthy relationship. You’re unable to approach people. You become too clingy, even to the extent of suffocating people near to you. Most of the emotional insecurity originates from previous experiences, mostly bad, traumatic experiences. These experiences leave a permanent mark and this mark casts a shadow in every aspect of your life.
You may also have emotional insecurity related to your appearance. Maybe you’re short. Maybe you are on a heavier side or even obese. Or you may have a disability. Maybe these physical traits stop you from being yourself and you like to be on your own rather than be in a group of friends, relatives or colleagues.
How to deal with, or overcome emotional security?
- Accept the existence of emotional security. Don’t live in denial. You can only solve a problem if you acknowledge it and accept its existence.
- Accept that not every insecurity is bad.
- Accept yourself. Whether you like it or not, you cannot change yourself. You are the way you are. Yes, with habit and with gradual lifestyle changes you can change yourself, but you cannot go beyond a certain level. For instance, if you have a crooked nose you can either go for plastic surgery and if you don’t want to do that, you have to learn to live with that. The same goes with your disability. If you have one, accept the fact and also accept the fact that you’re going to look the certain way to the others.
- People are not always evaluating you. First of all for them you are not the most important thing in the world, they may be having thousands of other problems vying for their attention continuously. Second, they might not be in a habit of evaluating people at the first look. Maybe they are not at all interested in physical evaluation, maybe they are seeking someone with intellectual capacities.
- Overcome your fears. The best way to deal with fears is to overcome them. Repeatedly do the thing that scares you. It doesn’t mean going to the swamps and challenging the neighborhood crocodile. But if the cockroach scares you, get hold of a baby cockroach and keep it in a jar as a pet. Let it crawl onto your hand everyday as it gradually grows. By the time it is fully grown, you will no longer be scared of it. No, I don’t mean to suggest that you start keeping cockroaches as pets, it was just an example. The main point is, start doing the things that scare you and in the beginning, maybe you can make small starts.
- Reconcile with the past. If your past troubles you, reconcile with it. It cannot be undone. You cannot decide what your past is going to be, but you can certainly decide what impact your past is going to have on the present and on the future. Again, if some past trauma stops you from doing certain things, start with small steps and as you are taking those steps, let the old feelings come. Accept those feelings. Recognize their existence. Let them walk by your side.
These steps can help you overcome your emotional insecurities.